Episode 106 'Expression through Art'

When I look back on my artwork over the decades (good grief I'm old) sometimes I find it difficult to identify what I was trying to say, or express. Perhaps naivety blinded my true emotions because I would hide behind illustrations of quirky animals and picturesque landscapes, and not addressing what was really going on in my head. But why should art express everything? It is perfectly viable that an illustration can be created without a deeper meaning, other than sheer enjoyment. I admit, there have been pieces that I have painted that truly depict what I am going through, or a longing for something that is just out of reach. Many of my pieces portray a tranquil scene of the ocean, a small cosy cottage and a distant sunset; my romantic idea of retirement perhaps?!

Art is a very personal, complex, subjective and sometimes controversial platform for anybody to get involved in. Whether you like it or not, your artwork is getting judged or questioned by everyone including yourself. 

This is not a new concept. Everybody knows that art (in all it's forms) can be interpreted in a million different ways. But what I am curious about is discovering where that line is? Between a personal project and a commission. Painting to express your emotions or painting for the enjoyment of others. Creating art for yourself or creating art to please the social media masses (because in my recent experience, the latter is definitely a current trend). And this is where I find myself actually; constantly questioning what I should create. 

Artists have blocks and distractions all the time. It's normal. Procrastination is one of our five a day. I believe this to be the case for both commissioned work and personal; although, at least with a client or a studio, the brief and deadline are given to you. No need to waste half a day thinking what should I paint now? But this doesn't answer my question of what drives an artist - specifically me (hey, this is my blog after all!). Does it mean it's lack of inspiration? Motivation? Laziness? You could factor many things into the reasoning behind a low level of creativity. For example, your current life situation. Where are you right now? How are you feeling? Did you stub your toe? Express your frustration, damnit! 

There is a saying that I saw once that quoted boredom is the mother of creativity. After researching this I discovered that it was once a proverb originating from the philosopher Plato. I am taking this information straight from a popular online encyclopaedia, where the mantra reads 'when you're bored, rely on the imagination, and discover the magic and learning behind self-directed exploration to inspire'. I don't know whether my current situation accommodates that much boredom but it has been a tool in the past. If I were feeling particularly bored one afternoon, I wouldn't necessarily give myself a hard time about it. Yes, I like to seize the day and be as productive as possible, but more often than not this can be harmful to your overall zen because it can feel too forced and unnatural. This is a path to the dark side, in my eyes. Overwhelming yourself with the idea that you need to create something has been so counter-productive to me that I have gone weeks, sometimes months, without doing anything. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am going through a massive shift in my life where, at times, I felt like I was bordering on an existential crisis. When I think about the proverb above, it really fits with how I'm feeling, or in this case not feeling, because the magic and exploration of my artwork has certainly been rocked of late. But today I find myself taking small optimistic steps and planning the next project. And as Shania Twain belts out You're Still the One I am beginning my new watercolour collection of Lisbon buildings in my brand new sketchbook. If all bodes well, the collection may end up getting displayed at a local yoga studio as part of an exhibition.

So that's good. I think I am ready to push through the darkness and create again. Perhaps getting a nudge from the yoga studio was what I needed. But this still begs the question of the drive and motivation? Am I doing this for me or for the prospect of selling artwork? I guess it could be both. 

I am currently fascinated with the phenomenon of online presence and branding, which has become a completely different type of drive for artists. When I scroll through social media (usually Instagram) and see the level of creativity from artists all over the world it really blows my mind. On top of this there is the quality and production value of reels and stories. I cannot argue with this because it is a brilliant way to promote yourself, but I also find it a little troubling when it comes to the pressures of producing artwork. What's the modern acronym, FOMO? I think for many people who use Instagram as a promotional platform it can be exhausting when you consider the thousands of others who are showcasing a similar brand (be it artwork, yoga classes, fitness etc). And that natural ambition to create can be heavily clouded by the zeitgeist much more than it can inspire. Many times I have forced myself to paint something very basic, film the process and stick a backing track to it, simply because I had that fear of missing out. I wanted to be seen, recognised. This is the dilemma that troubles me. 

Who are we really making this artwork for? 

My blog was not originally designed to handle such debates. I wouldn't be surprised if the algorithm behind it chooses to overthrow its creator and stick to lovely pictures of paintings and sculptures. And whilst we are hovering over the subject, AI can go fuck itself. I foresee a very controversial landscape when it comes to social media and the art world. Social media in general has given us more problems than solutions, overloading us with information that we are simply not meant to see or read. I will not go down that rabbit hole because I am not armed with enough knowledge or understanding of the psychology behind social media. So I will continue with my morbid perception of artist influencers! Oh we are having fun, aren't we?

Let me set the record straight though, because I have no problem with artists using platforms like Instagram to showcase their work. I actually find it an incredibly popular and lucrative method of promoting yourself, especially if you don't have a website or portfolio. I landed my job at the animation studio Sardinha em Lata in Lisbon thanks to posts from Instagram and my blog. I am 36 and have gotten away without using a website since leaving University, which is actually a little embarrassing. The same goes for my email address, although I am not embarrassed in the slightest about that. I am incredibly proud to celebrate 24 years of haveabanana2go@@hotmail.com with no intention of changing it. Are you on email? You simply must be these days. 

So let's return to the topic at hand; expression through art. Good grief, what a monstrous theme to tackle! I think I am overwhelming myself right now with tangent upon tangent, with little to no conviction on answering that. And I deem this for the best, because nobody should have the answer. Each artist has their own reasons behind their creation and I can only really speak for myself (confidently or otherwise). When you find yourself asking too many questions, especially in regards to your career (or way of life) then it's okay to take a break. Maybe subconsciously this is what I did. The problem is that I gave myself a hard time about it, which goes against my own advice. I wanted to have a break from the animation studio and concentrate on my own personal projects and yet I found myself doing absolutely bugger all. I was spiralling and not focusing on myself. But enough time has past for me to get a stronger grip on a new reality, and what better way to commence than to create a new collection for this upcoming exhibition (I think I might actually be getting excited about this. Many moons have come and gone since I last had this level of confidence). 

This range of artwork that I will illustrate and paint signifies a very important stage in my life. And the fact that art can do that for me truly reflects my love and appreciation for it. I feel enjoyment, elation, adventure. I am visualising each piece I want to paint, through imagination once lost. Even if my work is not displayed at the yoga studio, it will still be a huge stepping stone for me. Not just for the prospect of selling artwork, but to enjoy being an artist again. 

So this is my expression through art. Not a painting of a sinking ship surrounded by utter darkness to signify a hopeless and depressing time in my life. But a decision to keep going. And for now, that is enough.