Episode 80 'Electric Elkboy: Lost'

It was understandable for Chester to be concerned about his masters optimistic views on transport, especially due to the absolute lack of any. They needed to get to London, and yet without the knowledge of their whereabouts it would prove to be an interesting point to raise. Chester rolled forward inquisitively, 'may I press you for a solution sir?' 

The Elkboy turned handsomely around and smiled. 'My dear Chester. I have indeed resolved our little pickle, which was, admittedly, something I should have thought of much earlier. You may want to stand, or erm, roll back a tadge my friend.'

Chester bleeped and followed the order. He was used to these elaborate schemes that the Elkboy concocted, becoming continuously intrigued and entertained. And with the Elkboy currently attempting a handstand, it looked like this would be a good one. 

Sure enough, in a vertical manoeuvre, the Electric Elkboy had lifted his body up from the ground with his feet in the air. Certainly an unorthodox posture for a superhero, but he proceeded nonetheless. With eyes tightly closed, he concentrated all his power toward the lightening bolt upon his brow. The dusty terrain surrounding them trembled and shook, groaning with anticipation as the lightning bolt began to glow brighter. Then the Elkboy opened his eyes and looked to the horizon, raising his voice and bellowed into the expanse before him, 'POLAR BEASTS OF THE NORTH I CHOOSE YOU!' A beam of light shot out from the lightning bolt and penetrated the ground beneath him. For a moment there was a pang of utter silence... and then a sonic boom of awesomeness swept across the land. The Elkboy closed his eyes once more, bent his elbows and flipped himself into the air to finally land on his two feet. Most elegantly done, thought the author of this chapter. 

With the silence returned, the two heroes stood side by side as the dust settled. Chester, still full of unanswered questions, bleeped as scrupulously close to a sigh as robotically possible. 'Worry not, my young padawan,' the Elkboy crooned. 'Remember what Treebeard said to the Hobbits; 'don't be hasty'. And we all know what happened after that, don't we?
   'We do sir?'
The Elkboy nodded, 'of course. The trees only bloody won Chester! And carrying the Hobbits at the same time! Now that is TREE-mendous!' 
   'Sir, I am always supportive of your... puns, but your love of the Halflings leaf has clearly slowed your mind.'
   'Points for the quote, points deducted for sounding so negative. I have summoned a little bit of nature to come and carry us to London. Now, they may not be trees, but they sure as hell get the job done!'
   'Very good sir, I never doubted you for a second. Wonderful.' 

As soon as Chester settled down to wait he felt the ground tremble once more. The dust returned but far upon the horizon, where a trail of cloud grew larger and closer towards them. The vibrations felt more like a stampede than an earthquake; it was alive, moving, and hoofs could soon be heard. Then out of the dust cloud bore the head of a proud beast, antlers spurring through the mist, leading a herd of at least twenty more of these magnificent creatures. They were elk, of course. And the Electric Elkboy had called to them from across the globe, for that was the power that he held within his lightning bolt of truth. 

The Elkboy strode up to the herd and held aloft his hand. The thundering elk slowed immediately to a canter and stopped before him, their heavy breath and gentle snorting lingering in the air. The Elkboy placed his hand upon the head of the lead elk and murmured in a strange tongue that Chester had yet to hear from his master, but it was full of calm and gratitude. The Elkboy turned to Chester, 'they have travelled many miles,' he said. 'But they are strong and courageous. I have no doubt that within the hour we shall be riding for London at great speed. First we need to harness them a little, and find a cosy spot for you and I.'
   'As gallant as your beasts of burden are,' Chester queried. 'Are you sure that they know which direction to go?'
   'Of course they do Chester,' scoffed the Elkboy. 'But I'm rather surprised that with all the hi-tech malarkey I installed into your body, that you don't know which direction to go? Do you still have the Tommy-Tommy Sat-Nav function?'
   'Unfortunately, the missile attack on HQ contained a mild EMP and wiped out many of the systems. You were oblivious to this, sir, as you gallivanted off on your... kite...'
   'Do not underestimate the power of the kite Chester!' interrupted the Elkboy. 'It is fully equipped with...'
   '...So I'm afraid that some of my systems were coincidentally tampered with,' continued Chester. 'I adjusted all the power I had to my boosters so as to follow you.'
   'Very well,' said the Elkboy. 'And I am thankful that you did. We shall, however, put all our faith into these glorious steeds and their navigational skills. Now, could you spare a little power to your toboggan settings?' 

   Chester looked perplexed, even for an expressionless droid. 'My what settings?'
   'Search your network old boy, you'll find them,' said the Elkboy, full of confidence. He was busy choreographing the elk into single file and using the cable from the (temporarily unsuccessful) kite to harness them together. If only Santa could see him now, he thought. And with that thought in mind he directed Chester to the back of the herd. 
   'Chester my trusted droid,' he announced proudly. 'You are to become an imperative part of this convoy. ACTIVATE TOBOGGAN SETTINGS!'

Suddenly, Chester's wheels sprang up and folded neatly beneath him and extending in their stead appeared a pair of well carved, well varnished toboggan rungs. As the compartment doors closed, firmly locking the rungs into place, another extension lowered from the droids back. This would soon become the step for the Electric Elkboy to stand upon; for Chester had transformed in to nothing more and nothing less than a fine looking sleigh. 

'Haha!' laughed the Elkboy. 'How d'ya like them apples, Chester?!' 
   'I feel positively mutilated, sir,' the droid replied. 'Are there any other settings that I have yet to discover with an equal level of disgruntled surprise?'
   'Oh come on Chester... this is going to be bloody amazing. Now can you reach the cable and lock it into place? I need to grab my bag.' Chester did as he was told, accepting that his masters excitement was beyond negotiable.
    After some final adjustments, all was ready; the elk were stamping their hooves, the Elkboy had harnessed himself to Chester's body and the cables were taught with the eagerness of departure. All they needed was the call of the wild; that loud eccentric announcement Chester would expect his master to call out to nobody in particular. And sure enough it came...

'TALLY-HO MY BEAUTIFUL ELK. YOU HAVE COME TO US IN OUR TIME OF GREAT NEED AND QUITE FRANKLY SAVED OUR BACON. NEVER BEFORE HAVE YOU FAILED ME AND I TRUST YOU TO PRESS HARD FOR THE CITY OF LONDON. AVANTE!'

Chester couldn't help but let his circuit board smile at his masters optimistic views on transport, especially due to the absolute style in which they would travel. And away they went.

To be continued...